powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
2003-12-27 - 12:11 p.m.
I have never been scared of ending up alone in my entire life. It seems like everyone around me has someone, or people from highschool are getting married or already have kids. I am so scared that I will never find someone that is good enough to marry that will actually pay me the time of day. I feel so sad right now. After gaining all this weight I feel miserable, ugly, and I know that it's painful for anyone to even look at me.
I don't even know what brought this up, but I know that all I want to do is cry. Michelle and Elaine keep trying to set me up on these dates and they all just seem to be nightmares. They don't seem to understand that I won't go on anymore because it's a waste of my time. I am not going to date someone that I have nothing in common with, and there is no future. It's just not worth it to me, I don't just date to have a date.
Beyond that , there is my mother. Everyday she has to say something to me that makes me feel like more of a failure. Like, "Jaime why are you eating THAT?" or "Jaime if you'd only ... walk with me... stop drinking soda... be nice ... smile,.... " be another person totally. Then my dad... "You know you're a rag at this time of the day"... "go to your doctor and get someone medicine for your attitude"..."you have no class". I don't think I can take that anymore. I look forward to the time I see my friends, Sean seems to understand his mother is torturing him as well. I feel bereived when I have time to escape with friends and bitch about my family, and then laugh about it. I am so thankful that I have an outlet.
I guess I can just blame this mood on the holiday blues.
Well, Christmas this year, well I guess I should say Christmas Eve, that's when we celebrate, was ok this year. We all had nice presents, and Dad finally did something special for mom. I got a new TV, and a watch, with some movies. All in all Christmas Eve was good. However like all other holidays there has to be some drama. Christmas day was hell! For some reason Dad was in a foul mood, pissed off Liz, and inturn mom. I said something to stand up for Liz and then they were both mad at me. It all started because Dad didn't think Liz should wash her hair again. Finally the grand fiasco: Michelle and Elaine call during dinner (how were they supposed to know we were eating) to wish me a Merry Christmas... Mom flies off the handle. She thinks it's so rude of them to call on Christmas and that I should go see them. So here's the flipside. Her friends and Liz's friends have been calling all day ON CHRISTMAS!! She was going over to see HER friends on Christmas! On top of it all Michelle overheard to entire fight and the part where mom said Michelle was rude and classless. I was so embarassed. I got in the car and left.
Yes ... Sooo to say the least it was an interesting Christmas and I can't wait to go back to Athens.
